Crankmeister has a sorry tail to tell about his fr!gging toe nails. Common problem in the ole crank-scene getting fungus under your nailies. And it has finally got me, crank-lovers. It started like it was just a bit of dirt or something, and now whatever is living in my Evolutions has made four nails look like they are 100% bird sh!t. Gets worse and worse. After some discussion, the lads and me decide said Evolutions got to be inincerated, which was like hearing I have to sell my alloy wheel hubs or something. Then some girlie at the wall overheard me talking about it, and she just piped up that there was this nail varnish right, that doesn’t look like it but will cover up all manner of. The others thought it was effing hilarious, but it started nagging away at me. So I googled and found some stuff and thank Christ it came in one of those unmarked packets they usually put my porn in. Anyway, I painted it on, and it didn’t look too bad at first. Sort of dull and blank. But I reckoned I’d better to a coat on all of them otherwise I’d have one wierd toe. Wait two hours it says, so I got on the sofa with remote-control footrest and stuck Witness on repeat on the laptop. (Obviously praying no b!gger came visiting as I’d have some serious f!cking explaining to do sat there). Already having got through a six-pack by then I dozed off halfway through first ascent number 8, and when I woke up my f!cking nails were shiny-sparkly. Jesus FC. Excuse my French. So then I had to call in sick the next day, and buy some fr!gging nail varnish remover. Me! The CrankMesiter. Looking this f!cking weedy !sshole pharmacist in the eye who was thinking God knows what as I handed over the three quid or whatever. Anyway, damage sorted, kind of. Luckily I haven’t seen that girl again, although what the hell would I tell her anyway I don’t know. So, now it’s back to the old yellow-nails. Team Crank consensus is that this probably means that toe-sucking is probably out. One of them told me there’s some pill or something that will do it, but I reckon the daft !ss is confusing that with contraception.