Crankmeister has read most of the top climbing books, and they are big on stuff like setting your climbing goals. Obviously, my main climbing goal is to get laid, but apart from that, I reckon that I want to get into the unlaced warm-ups club. You know the guys I am talking about. They are onto those holds without their laces done up, and they are sending out seriously cool vibes. Like: ‘This is so f!cking below my grade I could actually do it in moon-boots, let alone climbing shoes,’, or ‘I’m such a laid-back hippy dude in tune with the rock that I don’t even think about this laces stuff. I’m surprised I even bothered to put on my !ffing clothes I am so out of it.’
Anyway, as McCleod constantly bangs on in his stuff, you don’t get anything without a serious lot of hard work, so I am going to dedicate myself to mastering (sorry should have been meistering) the art of warming up without tying your laces. This morning my local was unusually quiet so I could have a go without any punters clocking what I was up to, but to be honest it was a total disaster. Trod on the lace on the crash mat on the way to the start hold and went !ss over t!t, whacking me head on some stupid V0 hold as I fell. Lesson learned! Even the CM with his effing PhD at the climbing university of life has got stuff to learn: next time I will be lacing up for the walk across the mat, then unlacing for the warm-up! Sorted!