Can you believe it, there is this bunch of dudes who have called themselves team f!cking sperm. They are obviously digging the CM as they are linking to me. I wish me and the other crag lads had a effing brill name like that. We’ve all got our own names, but we haven’t got a group name. Although you know me as the crankmeister, they don’t like that name as it sounds too foreign, so to them I’m the crank-master, which if you ask me doesn’t have the same cool ring to it. Anyway, there’s also first-clip-big-d!ck, after one of our lot who is actually a pretty sh!t climber but is always up for risking his neck on the first clip while we down a couple of cans of coke. He tends to bail out after that, understandably as sometimes those clips are higher than the f!cking Eiffel Tower. We used to take the piss about it, but in his defence he cites pace-makers in Atheletics, who do the first lap and jog off, knackered, to get a beer or whatever.
Sorry, got a bit lost there. I was talking about the lads’ nick names. There’s Little-Willy-W!nker; no-one has actually seen it, so we don’t know, but that’s why he gets the name. It’s not really a climbing name, but there you go. And there’s clipstick Cliff, who isn’t called Cliff. But one day he emailed on UKC for a climbing partner and this geezer who said he was called Cliff mailed back and Cliff (that’s our Cliff) wrote ‘f!ck off out of it you smart !ss c!ck s!cker’ presuming that Cliff was a false name just designed to take the Mickey. Anyway it wasn’t, Cliff was his real f!cking name. Can you believe it? Our Cliff was totally apologetic when he realised, but the guy got the hump and wouldn’t climb with him. The other bit of Clipstick Cliff’s name is rubbish really, as, to be honest, we are all at it now. Well, team sperm would have been the perfect name for us, but I guess that’s taken. Next time we are going at one of our 7a warmups we’ll have to sort out a proper cool sounding name. Team Crank would suit me. Or maybe Team The Crank. Any suggestions?