Don’t know about you, because you may not yet have graduated from the school-of-bad-man-climbing like I have, but do you ever find yourself pulling through a move so goddamned cool that you just want to get off belay, duck behind a bush and fire up the starter motor right there and then? Course, it would never actually happen like that. Not just because of the privacy question, unless you were one of those self-belay maniacs. But because by the time you’d got your thighs out of your harness, the engine would have cooled right down. Come to think of it, they should make a harness for this kind of market, with a velcro thingy that you could just whip off for those champagne moments. That would be something. And let me tell you, if there are any gear manufacturers out there getting a total tent pole on about the idea of a harness like that, I am well up for collaborating. There’d be some safety issues to deal with. Like the bad things that can happen between velcro and the hair down under. But there must be some Shoreditch design geezer who could sort that one. I ‘spose there is that bullsh!t about that stuff affecting performance. Remember the world cup where the wives weren’t allowed in? Personally I think that’s rubbish. Whenever I’ve had a bit of private time I always feel like I could flash 8a right there and then, though I haven’t actually tested it out yet.