Training tips from the CRANKMEISTER

Fingerboards:  what an effing total waste of time.  How many routes do you find that look like a naffing fingerboard?  None!  Sometimes I think of those dipsticks hanging and pulling while I am on my nth seriously hard v4 warmup attempt, and I shake my head.  There are even people selling them, and obviously s!ckers buying them.   If I made one, I’d call it the crankmeister, because that’s me all over.  In fact, I’d build a whole climbing stuff brand around crankmeister.  In fact, if there are any sponsors out there who are getting a hard-on about the brand crankmeister, I am well up for it, although I’d have some ethical problems about selling the actual fingerboard, which would be bullsh!t.  For a start, I’m going to change my username to crankmeister.  No, CRANKMEISTER.  Much better in capitals.  Maybe I’ll change my legal name by deed poll to CRANKMEISTER.  That would be cool, to actually have it on your passport.  I’d be like on one of my epic Euro sport trips and at the border the police guy would take off his sunglasses and say ‘so, amigo, you are the crankmeister?’

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