I reckon that you aren’t a real climber unless you have a stash of route names ready for when you start new routing. The last thing you want to happen is to actually be new routing and then get to the top and not have thought about it before, because you have to come up with the name there and then, and these things shouldnt’ be just wacked out like that. So I’ve got quite a few up my sleeve. I’m a bit wary of telling anyone else in case someone steals the name for their own sh!tty little thing on Portland or something like that. But then some of them are pretty cool. For example, one of them is: ‘To get up this you have to crank like sh!t’. Although there’s a variation on that one, ‘To get up this you have to crank like…’ [ie that’s dot dot dot] at the end. I can’t make up my mind whether leaving off the sh!t at the end gives it more umph or not. You probably missed it but it’s a play on an old Alien Sex Fiend single ‘Smells like…’. Remember I said before that I liked names based on Rock Music [Ever noticed the climbing pun in ‘Rock Music’]. But this isn’t really the right sort of thing because it’s a bit of a joke, and jokes sort of take the edge of the head-banging mentality you need when you are doing the kinds of seriously hard sh!t on rock that I like. I’ve got loads more of those route names. Tell you what, people should get onto UKC so they can log route names not yet used and you can officially baggsie them. Why don’t loads of people suggest that. I want to baggsie ‘Catch me if you can’ for a route with a dyno. Although if I do new route something with a dyno I won’t be getting the first ascent, as I don’t do dynos. And I am having ‘I feel exposed doing air guitar’, so if I find out any of you lot nick that one you will find me coming after you with my monster sized forearms and gnarly fists.